Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
