I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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