the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
