a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
