I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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