I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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