Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
