Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
