yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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