He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
