Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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