so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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