I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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