I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
