Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
