This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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