you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
