Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize