So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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