yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
