Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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