We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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