i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
