He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
