Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize