the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
