Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I skipped work to stalk him.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
