U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
