All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Let's get the cat blown out
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
