she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
