Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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