I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
