ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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