i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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