Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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