He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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