party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
