At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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