He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
