1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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