I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
we should paint friendship bongs
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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