I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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