3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
