You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
