I cockslap morals
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize