I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
