...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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