Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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