i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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