does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
