Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize