Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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