i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
