I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
