i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
