if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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