Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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