All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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