You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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