somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
