I hate all girls vehemently.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
