I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
