I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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