Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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