I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
