4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
