you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize