The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
