He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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