I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
