After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
